If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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