i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
