What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
