I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
