I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
