he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
