I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found puke in my bra..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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