Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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