the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
