I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
