ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
