Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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