how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
