I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
