So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
