she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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