its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
