woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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