Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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