If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize