Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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