i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
