Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
