Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
