Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
