we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
