dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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