There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She announced her abortion via fbk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
