You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
