roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
