So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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