he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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