i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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