if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
