I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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