I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
