I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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