Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pants are for mortals
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
