i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
