you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
