thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
