I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
