I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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