You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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