I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
