Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
