She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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