dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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