I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
