My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
