there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
