just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
