she woke up with a sticky ear
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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