Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
