I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
