Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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