come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
