on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
