Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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