but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
