Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
