Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize