naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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