Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
