All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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