Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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