what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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