She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
