Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
