I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
