I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my poor anus
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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