Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
