She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
