I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
