Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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