i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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