it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
