how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
