If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
