He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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