I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize