He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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