Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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