Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
