Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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