Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
